using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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