he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize