Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize