Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
did i just pee glitter
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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