shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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