I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize