Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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