she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize