I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
