1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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