I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
