you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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