he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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