update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
