with your own penis?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
