My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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