he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
