perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
