It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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