I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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