She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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