How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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