I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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