the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Your cock deserves a montage
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
