Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
