Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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