just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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