I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
