I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
