K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
