I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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