Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think I just sharted jello shots
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