I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
