this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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