i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
