Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
