I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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