You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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