what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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