guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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