Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
