Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
