So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
