so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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