I looked at my own cervix.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
