I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
