the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
