that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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