My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
