My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
