What a fucking waste of an outfit
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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