nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
