Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
