Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
