you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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