hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
