3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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