she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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