It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
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I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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