For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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