Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
