im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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