Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize