We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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