someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
