I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
