i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
