you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
