There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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