quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
