The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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