carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
