nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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